What “men written by women” means and 8 books that will show you

Women writers know what they’re doing when creating layered, complex, emotionally mature male characters, and everyone on TikTok knows it. The romantic gestures, the distinctive point of view, the character development! This has come to be known as “men written by women.” The phrase sprung up across social media recently, and the trend was born.

If you’re confused yet intrigued by this trend, this article will sort you out and leave you with 8 book recommendations to add to your TBR so you can meet your next book boyfriend.

What does “men written by women” mean?

A man written by a woman is a character who possesses traits women tend to value. This can include charm and charisma, thoughtfulness and generosity, and a certain type of humor. Essentially, men written by women are not the products of the patriarchy women have been taught to expect. We’re not interested in alpha male posturing, boys. We want soul!

Even before Jane Austen famously introduced us to the inimitable Mr. Darcy, female writers have always understood how to make fictional men interesting. Characters that resemble (gosh, I don’t know) real-life human beings make for astonishingly convincing stories, no matter what disparaging things men might have to say about romance novels.

Men writing women, on the other hand…ugh.

Men writing women is another story. The male gaze, as you might imagine, is historically not great at offering a lens into a woman’s experience. Male authors often struggle to write female characters that have the same degree of depth that male characters written by female authors do.

Books that ignore the female gaze tend to be...how shall I say this? Steeped in rampant misogyny?

Should you need evidence of this strange, perplexing, and sometimes actually offensive phenomenon, the subreddit r/menwritingwomen does an exceptional job of chronicling examples of men attempting to write women across multiple forms of media.

Aptly given the headline, “She breasted boobily down the stairs...” posts you’ll find on this thread run the gamut from lesser-known authors doing their best (worst?) to describe what a woman’s body looks like, to better-known authors, like Stephen King, who talks about a kindergarten-aged girl experiencing symptoms of menopause. Ew.

So, why can’t male authors write realistic women? We wish we knew.

Perhaps male authors have no idea how women actually move, talk, or just generally experience the world because historically, men just don’t read books written by women.

We’re not here to make excuses for anyone, mostly because too many of the examples on r/menwritingwomen are inexcusable, but this would appear to be a pretty damning reason.

According to The Guardian, of the top 10 bestselling female authors, just 19% of their readership are men, while 81% are women. Of the top 10 bestselling male authors, 55% are men, and 45% are women.

Of course, the study doesn’t account for what percentage of that male readership are also authors themselves, so really their inability to realistically portray women could be for any number of reasons.

Our bet is on the general misogyny that permeates much of (most of?) society and has for essentially all of history. In many ways, that’s an oversimplification of the idea, but it does get the point across.

How the “men written by women” phenomenon was born

As a counter conversation, over on TikTok, users began posting under the hashtag #menwrittenbywomen to highlight some of their favorite fictional men and give authors the praise they deserve.

The trend also morphed into talking about real-life human men, which makes the compliment that much more profound. The posters who share their favorites believe these guys to be so perfect that they could only have been written into existence by a woman. (It’s Stanley Tucci for me. David Tennant, too.) High praise, indeed!

That said, the trend derived from the realization that women wrote many of the best and most interesting men in film, television, and literature.

Here are a few shining examples of what it looks like when men and women are both written as fully realized, sensual characters with agency.

I mean, it’s obvious

The energy we need

For your consideration

8 book boyfriends that were clearly written by women

While I can’t say that I have a cure-all suggestion for male writers beyond “please, please, please read more work by women,” I can absolutely offer up a few male leads from my favorite romance books by women that radiate main character energy in all the best ways.

1. Luke from “Done and Dusted” by Lyla Sage

“When it came to Emmy, I was playing with fire, but I would happily walk into the flames for her. And I’d have a smile on my face the whole damn time.”

Keep talking, mister...

If you're in the mood for a small-town romance with a bit of a twist, this one’s for you. Main character Clementine (“Emmy”) has done all the big things she planned: She left her tiny hometown, went to college, and made a career out of her love for horses. But after an accident, she’s forced to return to Meadowlark, Wyoming, which was definitely not part of the plan.

Enter Luke Brooks, the local bad boy who now owns a bar, and also happens to be her older brother’s best friend. They’ve got a little history—mostly him annoying her growing up—but when she shows up back in town, he realizes Emmy isn’t the little sister he remembers.

Neither of them is really looking for romance. Emmy’s dealing with enough as it is, and Luke knows better than to get involved with his best friend’s sister. Naturally, sparks fly, and they both find it hard to stick to their “rules.” It’s that classic will-they-won’t-they with just the right amount of tension. If you like a slow-burn romance with small-town charm and a little bit of trouble, this one’s worth a read, and Luke is an irresistible man written by a woman.

2. Rico from “Recipe for Persuasion” by Sonali Dev

So maybe I have a soft spot for Jane Austen. It’s fine. I’m fine. Sonali Dev’s retellings of some of Austen’s most famous love stories give a modern twist to familiar favorites. Don’t worry, she started with her take on “Pride and Prejudice,” but “Persuasion” was always my go-to.

Ashna is desperate to save her restaurant, but being cast on “Cooking with the Stars” was not how she was hoping to do it. Nor was she expecting to be paired up on the reality show with her ex, Rico Silva, who is now a famous soccer player. Both heartbroken over the years-past loss of the other, they are determined to play it cool and prove they’ve moved on, but when social media goes haywire for the unexpected on-screen couple...is it a recipe for disaster? Or something else?

Oh, Rico...so delightfully tortured. So heartachingly in love with Ashna. I don’t care that “simp” is supposed to be an insult. This man is down so bad, and I can prove it.

Rico, staring longingly at the one who got away:

“I want to be your hair. How many times had he said that to her? Not once had she needed to ask him what he meant. Her hair—midnight spun into strands—was always kissing her cheeks, playing with her collarbones, caressing her skin.”

Seriously?! A man who even thinks things like that is too romantic to be anyone’s creation but a (genius) woman’s.

3. Jack from “Hometown” on Dipsea

Is this cheating a little? Aren’t all Dipsea men written by women? Yes, they are, but I don’t care. This place is a gold mine of swoon-worthy men with ( gasp! ) actual personalities! Jack is no exception. (And yes, the first three men on this list are indeed all second-chance romance fellas. It’s called growth.)

When Gia moves back to her sleepy little small town, Jack is determined to finally act on his long-standing crush on his best friend’s little sister. "I used to dream about us in the locker room, behind the bleachers, in the library. There were times when I felt almost tortured just being around you. It's very very difficult for me to not touch you..."

Ahem...excuse me, I just need to go listen to this one again real quick.

4. Bjorn from “A Fate Inked in Blood” by Danielle L. Jensen

Viking romance? Yeah, I didn’t think I would be into it either, but here we are. “A Fate Inked in Blood” surprised me!

The Norse gods bless a select few humans with a drop of their divine blood, granting them a shred of magic when the god is called upon. Freya is one of those humans, but was forced to hide her gifts as a child. The jarl claims her as his bride when he discovers her rare abilities to repel any attack, believing her the key to grant him ultimate power over Skaland.

But the jarl’s son Bjorn has gifts of his own, and as hard as they try to resist each other, he and Freya can’t deny what brews between them. Bjorn might have all the confidence and cunning Freya lacks, but as she grows into her power, it’s Bjorn who can’t seem to control himself.

Why does he make the list? Let him tell you…

“It is hard to keep one's wits when faced with a woman as beautiful as the sight of shore to a man who has been lost at sea.”

“I used to dream only of fire and ash. Now when I close my eyes, all I see is your face.”

“All of me is yours, Freya. It may not be equal measure to your value, but it's all I have.”

I can keep going, but you should really read the rest.

5. Sebastian from “Bringing Down the Duke” by Evie Dunmore

Sebastian Devereux, Duke of Montgomery. Sigh...

Let’s be so clear: If you’re a Bridgerton girlie (especially if you’re an Anthony stan), you cannot skip this book. I am so serious.

Classics scholar Annabelle has formed fast friendships with her fellow bluestockings (female Oxford students) as they canvas for women’s rights among the esteemed members of British Parliament. One member, however, they cannot hope would support their cause is the Duke of Montgomery, a taciturn gentleman the queen herself has selected to lead the Tory party to victory. No one expects it when Annabelle catches his attention, but can the ladies use this to their advantage?

The marvelous thing about Sebastian is not just that he has an open ear to the plight of the opposite sex during a time when such a thing was wildly unpopular. It’s that he is as interested in Annabelle’s mind as he is her beauty, making it clear that their verbal sparring satisfies him and her arguments intrigue him. Written by a woman indeed.

6. Lachlan from “The Highlander” on Dipsea

Love a grumpy/sunshine trope? So do we.

Cassidy, a burnt-out literary agent, suddenly inherits a struggling bookshop on a remote Scottish island, and she quickly falls in love with the quaint community—and with Lachlan, a grumpy sailor who just happens to be the town’s most disliked local.

It’s got all the cozy vibes: rolling moors, a charming seaside town, and of course, a little bit of bookish magic. Plus, the romance between Cassidy and Lachlan is full of that slow-burn, opposites-attract energy. Perfect for when you want to escape to Scotland, even if only in your mind.

What makes Lachlan rank on this list, you ask? Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps it’s lines like, “I’m not a gentleman by any stretch of the imagination…” Maybe it’s offering her shelter from a sudden rainstorm, or maybe it’s him surprising her with flowers at her bookshop. Where can I get one of him in real life?

7. Rafe from “The Shameless Hour” by Sarina Bowen

I’ve made my love for a good hockey romance known. (Henry, I’ll always love you. Hannah Grace knows what she’s doing with the boys in her Maple Hills series.) That said, I’ll freely admit that my favorite male protagonist in this searing and emotional series is, in fact, a soccer player. Go figure.

Rafe is a virgin looking forward to his first time with his girlfriend when he unexpectedly runs into the guy she spent all summer sleeping with. Yikes. When Bella finds him nursing his broken heart in the stairwell of their dorm, she can’t resist the urge to cheer him up a little. The connection it leads to surprises them both, and Bella learns quickly that her “no boyfriends” rule might need a little amending.

Rafe is the sort of sweet, thoughtful, determined guy whose friendship is as profound and meaningful as his romantic side. Read the whole series, but pay close attention to this one. Rafe is a real one.

8. Justin from “Just for the Summer” by Abby Jimenez

Justin...oh, boy. “You're not asking too much," he said. "You were just asking the wrong person. Ask me instead.”

This is so female gaze, I don’t even know where to start.

“Just for the Summer” kicks off with our guy Justin, who’s convinced he’s cursed. Every woman he dates seems to find her soulmate right after they break up. It’s so bad that thanks to a Reddit thread, his so-called curse has gone viral.

Then comes Emma, a traveling nurse with the same bizarre problem. So, of course, they come up with a wild plan: They’ll date, break up, and hopefully their curses will cancel each other out, leaving them both free to find “the one.” It’s kind of ridiculous…but also, who knows? Maybe it’ll work.

Emma wasn’t exactly planning on spending her next assignment in Minnesota, but when she and her best friend hear about Justin’s idea, it’s hard to say no. What starts out as a summer fling quickly turns more complicated when Emma’s difficult mom shows up and Justin suddenly has to look after his three siblings.

Now, instead of a fun, easy summer, they’re dealing with family drama, life changes…and some very real feelings for each other.

More swoon-worthy men

Naturally, at Dipsea, all the men are written by women, which is just one reason why they’re so great. The women of Dipsea are also written by women, for what it’s worth, which might be why they come across as actual people, rather than one-dimensional caricatures of what a woman might be like.

Looking for more men written by women? You’ll find plenty among Dipsea’s collection of audiobooks.